Never interrupt my breakfast again
I morgon ska jag flytta til Frankrike.
What is the good spelling for this typical expression from Göteborg you taught last week-end girls? You know, it is something like Gotemuss, or Gueutemousse, or something like this...
New assignment for monday morning, about the views of capitalism according to Adam Smith, Marx and Weber. I've just been reading a whole chapter about Karl Marx. I know he's been very controversial, and he still is. But from all I read til now, this is the one that I approve the most. Yeah, talking all those things, Jospin is out of the game for the next elections. The Parti Socialiste is in a bad shape I guess... who's gonna stop Sarko?
My mind is still melo.
But I'm gonna be okay.
The Pipettes are coming in Malmö... Should I go? I guess so!
This morning, Geova's witnesses knocked on the door and tried to convert me for 15 minutes. Althought I'll never convert myself, it's been a very interesting talk, I tried to expose my view of religion, and the two women listened very carefully, respecting my opinion, so did I with their. But they interrupted my breakfast.
I wanna be a troublemaker
Zeinep gave me a CD today. I listen now Withest Boy Alive. The track is called Inflation. Feels good...
I went to see "When the wind shakes the barley" yesterday night. Apart the irish accent, the film was excellent. Good actors, good story (it is about the birth of IRA in North Ireland), very nice shots. Tonite, I'm going again for a french movie but i forgot the name.
The social theory is finally killing me. I don't understand anything anymore.
Can you believe that? I have trouble with my credits and my grades from Jönköping, and it seems like I'll have to take courses during the following year if I want to complete my bachelor. Great !!!
Jo, bon séjour à Paris... et puis, pardon pour l'autre jour. Profite profite profite !!!!
The track now is "Done with you". I love the bass line.
Vive la Révolution !!!
"
The thought, then, is that the State integrates the self-interested individuals of civil society into a political community by means of social institutions which allow them to realize their freedom", Hengel.
The Enlightenment thinkers, as Montesquieu, Voltaire, Rousseau and Smith (among others) were some great guys, and I understood almost everything about their ideas. Integrate the "Laws of nature" in philosophical thinking in order to stop relying on the past, the history, but realize that modern society in based on future (new?), on passion and desires, that's not so hard to understand. And the first chapter of my book was quite easy to follow. Until I got to the second chapter, about Hegel and his ethical life theory...
Okay, here is what I understood. Correct me if I miss the point. An individual is part of a family and love other members of his family, interact a lot. This individual is also part of the civil society, where the self-interested is leading the socio-economic structure - a butcher doesn't sell meat for my need but for his profit. Here come the negation, meaning that an individual act in different way which should make the situation impossible. Hoppefully, the State is here to give the negation of the negation, telling that finally, people should act in a common interest and then access to their freedom - different from liberty please.
All right, this is my first time with sociology.
Milla, I tried to send you an email, but the adress you gave me doesn't work (or I didn't type it correctly).
Last nite, birthday party. Silvia turned 22.
Tomorrow, I'll start reading about Marx. I guess he is the one who originally theorize something I'm quite confident in... I'll tell you more about it soon.
Let's destroy La Bastille again !!!
Was that a coincidence or a conspiration ? I mean, to bring a french guy in a pub called King's Head ! And previously, Camilla's mother who confused me telling me I need a headcut instead of a haircut..? Yeah, French cut the head of their king few decades ago, but is it a good reason to think they still do and they are obsessed by this idea ?
The machination kept on today! My new class is about the social theory, and to understand our "modern society", a long review of the french revolution is required.
Well, there is something going on.
Apart that, the week-end was great, spent in Trollhättan at Jojo's place with (almost) all the family Sjöö. Saturday morning, after a good walk, Jo and I just decided to take a bath in Öresjö, the last of the year I guess. The plan for saturday night was in Göteborg. As we were leaving her place, she remembered she had tickets for Liseberg, an attraction park. So, like two little kids, we went. And I have to admit it was fun. It is sometimes cool to make silly things, just go and enjoy, forget the other things. We flight twice over the city, Jo closed her eyes the first time, I screamed.
Later, we joined our favourite velvetsquirrel, got to her place and went out. Few beers, few cigarettes, few kilometers walking threw the streets.
Yesterday, I came back home to Lund.
Thanx one more time Milla for the night. And Jo... take care over there. I wish you the best.
Sunday night thoughts
The car is driving me awayTeardrops in my eyesI messed up everything againI shouldn't be so serious anywayYou told me to not be sadSo I sent you a smileYou've already turned at the cornerYet your shadow is stuck inside Why is it so complicated ? Why is it that simple ?The car is driving me awayTeardrops on my mindI remember your faceEverything will be okayI know I should not write those kinds of things. But as I said, everything will be okay, so I guess I can leave this text here. In addition, that gives more and more matter for my rock'n'roll band project...(yes i try to be less serious ;) )
Darwin, Sarkozy among others
K- population and r-population, biomes, windmill, primary production, birth rate, deciduous temperate forests, natural selection, second law of thermodynamic, Uranium 235, fungi, horizon O and E, Darwin, parasitism....
I've got enought, I've got too much. I was reading this afternoon when I suddenly realized I was on the same page for almost 25 minutes. I understood that there was no way for my brain to take anything. So I came back home, take a nap, internet, music. It is not the fact that it is not interesting (oh no, it is fucking passionating), but too much is too much. I feel like a ballon within you've been blowing and blowing again, and you've reached the extreme limit before explosion. Yes, I'm back to my studies, definitly, and it is not that easy.
I don't know what to expect tomorrow, I just know that it's gonna be two parts of 3 hours each.
I had lunch with Ben today. It's been a good talk, very constructive, and we are on the same way again. I am glad. I'm gonna stop to make fixations at home about what people do or don't do that make me out of control. I certainly do such things too.
Sarkozy keeps playing in France. He now attacks justice system and point out the lack of judges. DHK said: "Sarkozy is G.W. Bush's son". Yep, he is. I love those two guys so much (irony).
Think twice
Yesterday night was the first game. With some girls and guys at LUMES, we created a soccer team, just for fun, and decided to play in a small league intraschool. That was quite desorganised, that was even a mess I should say, but we finally won our first game 3-1. Cool.
My books haven't killed me yet, but it's gonna come soon. The presentation of my model this morning was not as good as I was expecting. Whatever. I am tired, very tired. Friday, all day long, exam. Caffeine, I will need!!!
This week end, I got good plans. I'll drive to Trollhättan, up to the north of Göteborg, to visit Jo. I'm looking forward, need to talk, need to see her, need to be away, need to be far away, need to be in a quite place. This week end is gonna be what I need, definitly. Thanx in advance my dear crazy swede.
Emotionnaly intense.
This is a good definition for the last few days. But I start to figure things out.
Things I have figured out yet:
- things can happen twice, always (both right and wrong things... (readers reflexion required for that statement))
- Finally, what happened was just supposed to be fun. After, it is just a matter of how people are able to come back to reality. I though I was somewhere else for a while, but in the end, it was just for fun
- I am young
I'd like to be in Paris right now. I'd like to be in this bistro near the Centre Pompidou, in Beaubourg. It's a place we've been twice with Fred. Just sitting outside, a glass of wine, one of those rainy day, dead leaves on the ground, watching the people flow in the street, trying to catch their feelings, talking with an old woman. I miss Paris. I guess I'll have to go soon. Christmas holydays ???
yep
"Peace cannot be kept by force,
It can only be achieved by understanding"
Albert Einstein.
Remise en question
Everything go in the same way those last days (weeks? month?). In two days, I just got three kicks in the ass about my way to be and to react.
I got two "You suck" and one "you're not easy to live"...
All right people, two possibilities:
- or I change, which mean not being myself anymore
- or others accept my way to be sometimes.
The first good point is that I am able to tell myself there is something wrong with me sometimes. That's not the case of everyone.
I feel so alone right now.
Really alone.
We were laying on the grass yesterday, enjoying the last day of summer.
Talking about summer, thank you for the letter...
Don't be shy
My left-hand fingers are on fire. I've played and played again the last three days. I am wondering if it would be better for me to become a rock star, take drugs and have sex every day instead of being minister of my country... Just kidding guys. Anyway, it's over, I can't play anymore at home for now, some people are working and are disturbed by the low sound of my Cort. All right, I am the one who stop.
I am so hangover today. It was Eduardo's birthday yesterday. We all meet at the yellow house. Everybody was there: Eduardo of course, Adrianne and Autumn, Torsten and Andrea, YO, Camille and Marie-Hélène, Francisco and Paz, Theo, Al, Jen, my three little chinese girls too (Ju Ki, Ciao and Summer), David, my roomates came too. We drunk few beers and decided to go the Lund Nation party. That was empty when we got there, the party was absolutely bad, but we were quite a lot of people, all together, and I can swear I had one of my best party in six month. We had smiles, we had teardrops, we had alcohol (we shot ourself said a "good friend" of mine). I didn't understand why each time I was going to the bathroom, girls were talkig to me, til I realized that I went to the Ladies bathrooms... No, I was not drunk at all.
The way back, the most peaceful ever, has been quite hard for me.
I am hangover.
Wake up people
I am listening the "Four Seasons" from Vivaldi right now. Enchanting. As Carol said: "I could go to Heaven now listening this".
I got a music in my head for almost four days. The Cure... "I don't care if monday black, tuesday wednesday heart attack, thursday never looking back, it's friday I'm in love".
I am studying studying studying as never. Today, saturday, I spent 5 hours at the library reading my favourite book "Principles of Environmental Sciences". It never happened before to me to work a saturday. I went threw three chapters, more or less interesting, but I have to admit the last one got me depressed. It was about "food and population". So, 6 millions kids under 5 died every year because of malnutrition, 2 billions people live with less than $1 a day, there are more overweight people than underweight people in the world, mainly due to the fact that developing countries are taking habits of developed countries, or in certain cases malnutrition can conduce to overweight problem, leading to other diseases such strokes, heart problems and hypertension. In the mean time, most of the people leaving under those conditions are part of the most diversified ecosystems. They have to deal with feeding problems, finding new fields for crop productions, preserving biodiversity and lands...
What are we waiting for, people from the "western countries"? When are we going to realize that this is now that changes may occur. When are we going to realize that this our generations who has to make concessions and sacrifices? What are we waiting for guys???
Wake up people...!!!!
Let's go for a coffee
We started a new class today: "system analysis" or how to modelize everything in life... Well, the objective is quite simple: once you have modelized, then, you can add new parameters and create scenarios. Hummm, complicated... A good example of what I should be able to do is modelize the climates on earth, and then create scenarios about what's gonna happen in the next decades. Well, very simple to say, much harder to do...
If you want a very funny story that happened in my house, just go to
Silvia's blog... quite hilarious !!!
I still do not know how i feel really, so many things are happening.
This afternoon, we went to a tinny and sweet café, in the old city with some guys of the class. It's been a very good time, you know, those moments you forget a bit about the reality, you just talk and laught about everything and nothing, when smiles are on every faces, when the humanity seems so far away from your mind, when you feel like you could close your eyes, open your arms and jump in the air, fly like a bird, free, it is one of those moment I need more, that I forget to have these last weeks. It was good.
Summer, you are not fat at all.
Get over it
Strange wednesday night. I smoked two cigarettes. I've reached yesterday the bluest state. I felt happy too. If you are not lazy, you'll go to this
link and read, and try to understand. That was (almost) me yesterday
I'd like to say thank you to:
* Josefin, even if your battery died in the middle of the conversation because you are lost on an island in the middle of nowhere, with nothing to eat but Milla.
* Summer, you crazy little chinese girl (I know you are not little).
The nice weather is still here.
Carol is working on the sofa next to me. It is 9.29 am, we are going to Ikea now. The house is quite, but something is missing. A teethbrush is missing.
I guess the first step would be to leave the teethbrush at home... Don't ask me to help you if you don't listen to me please.
I wanna hear what you've got to say again
Sunny day again, I love it.
Yesterday night, I was alone with Carol at home. After a dinner, we sat down around a cup of tea and discussed for an hour or so, about life, expectations. We also talked about her country, Uganda, and all the troubles they've got over there, but also the fact that everybody is always happy. I wish european, especially french (especially me) we were not such complaining people. We suck.
I should stop to write personal messages on my blog.
Tonite, we gonna play football with the Lumes team. We created a team and we'll play in a league. Back to competition baby!!!
People who has birthday in the next weeks, what do you want as present(s)???
Etre enfin responsable de qui je suis
Why things have changed ???
I'm not even able to talk to you...
Why are we provocating each other..?
Like a tuesday
Tuesday was generally the day-off of my mum when I was younger. After school, it was shopping session, or dentist, all the things that parents have to care about with their kids. The less funny part was that she was at home, checking every single movments, not letting me playing before finishing my homework. Today, I wish she was there, because instead of reading my favourite book "Principles of environmental sciences", I'm updating this stupid blog. Dear blog, please, I need to pass !!!
I met Karolin last week end, she's Josefin's sister. Very interesting talk around a cup of tea and some lasagne for me. It was sunny, I was a bit somewhere else, still thinking of what happened saturday night. But it was good. And she has thousands of interesting (and crazy) plans, like picking up blackberries next saturday. I say why not.
Some new thoughs, maybe a song, maybe bulshit:
I'm tripping into the dark
30 000 feet above
Stars seem asleep
And this taste of cofee
The track just ends up
The plane is going down
I still don't know why
It's you on my mind
The reality got me
One more time
Why am I damn so far away
Tripping into the dark
I am wondering: is it because of me, the fact I have been far away for such a long time??? I am sorry.
Scheiße
I guess I am free guys...
I guess...
Sunday morning -----> Hangover
Okay. So let's say I'm a wrong guy sometimes.
And I'm sorry for this...
It is 1.53 in the morning, I certainly have 3 grams of alcohol in my blood, but I need to write this article. I just realised a few things few minutes ago. I don’t know if the person to whom those words are for will read that, but whatever, I write it anyway.
First, I’d like to say that anyone can't be sure about anything, even about himself.
I told you yesterday I was someone right. I am not. I hurt you tonite, and I didn’t mean it. But I did hurt you, you told me. If you hurt someone, then , you’re someone wrong, especially if this person is someone you have feelings for. I am a wrong person.
Secondly, I’d like to say that I am not able to understand everything. Should I??? Apparently, yes, I should.
Also, I was not pissed off at all.
I’d like also to tell that I’ve never, never meant to hurt you, and you know it. You are not the only one who needs help right now, and I’ve been acting as much as I could in order to be here with you, and tonite, I was the one who really needed you. Obviously, you needed me too, I didn’t see it...am I unforgivable ?
I am not mad at you though, not at all. Even if I don’t really understand your reaction, I respect it, because you know what I feel for you. Respect is an important value. Maybe this was what we needed, maybe hurting each other (yes, because by the way, I know I hurt you, but you did too) was the best thing that could happen. Now, I am going to try to move on, and you’ll finally have the time to be alone and think about your life. I still have feelings for you.
I don’t know what’s gonna happen now. I need you, you need me, we know that, the both of us. I didn’t mean neither what I told you at the very last point of the conversation. I didn’t mean also what I said about the place you’ve got in my life. I don’t want to find excuses anyway, I don’t diserve it. I don’t diserve you. (???)
That was too beautiful, three days of happiness, that was too much, I had to mess up everything, one more time.
I am a wrong guy.
Do I really need a bed ?
Breanäs was magic. The real Sweden. While we were driving last tuesday, we arrived to those different landscapes made of forests and lakes, rocks everywhere, some cattles here. I suddenly remembered everything. I felt very melo, but finally I was here. So many feelings came back in one second. I knew again why I fell in love with this country.
The week was crazy and fantastic. It is like LUMES is a small family now.
Stephi got at home yesterday night, she's Ben's girlfriend.
I was feeling a lot better after this small trip, and I didn't want to come back... Maybe I should have stayed, because... I don't know anymore, I'm losing control again. I'm used to say that it is better to do what you feel and not what you think, I doubt it now. Anyway, I have to do something, soon (a first good step would be to take my phone and give a call to Fred).
I have to go to the hospital today, not a big deal. I'll tell you later in the day. And this morning, Theo, Andrea and Torsten are coming, we gonna take my bed home !!!
Insomnia
I couldn't sleep last night. This is the second time in two weeks that I can't fall asleep. I am tired but I just turn and turn and turn again in the bed, thinking, wondering. Is it because I need to smoke? Is it because I don't feel quite alright (I feel better by the way). It's killing me. I tried to sleep this afternoon, I just cannot. Unbelievable.
I read my blog and I'd like to change some of my thoughs. On the article from the 31st of August , I said that "oreder is necessary in life", meaning that we need rules. This is stupid to think this. If we have rules, there is no freedom anymore. I don't say that we might not respect values anymore (this is really different from respecting rules). Freedom is certainly one of the last thing we sometimes can get, let's save it though. I don't care about stupid rules, as long as I feel free and good... Let's fuck up the rules !!!! What do you think people...
Tonite, I'm gonna buy a bed, a real one. Tomorrow, I'll leave for my field trip in Skane, it's gonna be cool.
Home sweet Home
Our house really starts to look like a real home. More furnitures, more little objects everywhere that gives an identity to the place, more details that tell us we belong here, or that the house belongs to us. In my room, I only have one closet, with three small drawers, and that's all for now. Tomorrow, I should meet some people, they have a bed to sell, exactly as I want. I still need a desk maybe, and a chair, I mean an armchair, you know, those swedish ones, where you could stay all day long, with a cup of tea and a good book, just relaxing (this is where I am now, and that's something).
As I was dreaming last night, I just touched the skin of an angel. It seemed so real...
Next week, away til Friday, I am going to a field trip with all the Lumes band. We gonna live four days next to a small lake lost in the middle of nowhere. I can't wait to be back to nature, I miss it, the birds, the flowers etc...
Under pressure
I wanna smoke... help! If I do, Silvia will kill me (thank you). But I feel so bad, it is horrible.
Ben got back last thursday. We were quite used to our small life at two. Ben is very aware of rules and he likes things to be ordered and done the quickest as possible (if of course it is good for him). So I cancelled a trip to Malmö on Friday, I had to go the migration board. Instead I planned to help him moving all the furnitures at home. We didn't touch it at all, it was certainly not the "right time". Well, this is one of the concession that has to be done... This afternoon we went to Ikea, for the best and the worst. I am quite under pressure rightnow, but as I said... concessions are a key...
Want to see my mum.
Sincerity is also very important. Thank you to all the people who are sincere with me.
Ti'chaton de mon coeur: bienvenue à nouveau :-)
