We met again in the afternoon with a bunch of friends, and simply got wasted. It was raining. We stayed in, had a huge supply of beer and frozen pizza. Al fell asleep, we draw many things on his skin. Vivi was really drunk too. We played some nice music, chill out, tell stories to remind us the good time we had, and to remind us it's almost gone for ever. We went back quite early though, and my night was hell: dreamt about writing the thesis all night long. Damn it!
This morning, woke up early, like 6.30. Couldn't sleep. So I took a walk, went to the supermarket and bought breakfast. I managed to sleep one hour or so afterward. I joined the others around 4 to have bbq and play soccer, volley and relax in the sun that was back.
Emotions come from simplicity. Simplicity comes from truth. Truth is love. Love is all.
I might think in a too simple way by writing this. But this is just what I feel now. I didn't know that until recently, and I must admit this is a new step in my journey.
Thesis almost done. Just have to review my language and structure, make it look nicer, print it on saturday and get drunk on monday. This will be almost over, just waiting to defend in few weeks.
And then, emptiness... Or new adventures, you never know what can happen, right? I am very scarred in a sense of future, but I am able to not think about it, then I see clearer. Time is not against us, but it is up to us to make time as a physical place. Time is not about hours and days and weeks. It's just about moments, filled with emotions.
'Coz' we are together and that's somewhere' (Yo La Tengo)
The writing marathon... The writing marathon, it's gonna be Torsten and I, and maybe some others who will join in 3-4 hours. And from 8pm until God knows when, we'll be writing and writing and writing again, until 50 pages, limit for the thesis report. So yes, by tomorrow morning, hoppefully, I will have my final draft done.
And then, it's gonna feel so good, because tomorrow is friday, and friday I'm in love. And friday night is Indigo @ Blekingska, and tomorrow, there is The Radio Dept. @ Indigo, and you know what? I got my ticket.
And then... It's almost vaccations, or kind of, because then, there is the defence, and the graduation. but after, it's gonna feel good.
But to tell the truth, Zorro will feel lonely, so lonely, and maybe useless.
When you said tulips I knew that you're mine When I caught you there Crying in the night Wearing my jacket Wearing that smile I knew that I'd found you This could be an opportunity Were you unawares? Did it catch you out? Or did it break you in Right from the start? It's as pure as fire It's as pure as snow I knew that I'd found you This could be an opportunity If you promise to let it If you promise to let it grow 'Cos you're the one I love
"Farmers practising pastoralism do this for two means: income of course, but also passion. Consequently, their life can be highly socially affected by new environmental constraints such as the conflicts with wildlife"
"Misconceptions in the general opinion as well as for farmers about wolf create tensions that can be solved by a greater spread of information for every stakeholders and by increasing public and ecologist organisations' participation in the development of management plans."
Well, this is what came out from my intense thinking today, and that are now my "theories" or "concepts" I will discuss in my thesis report. Now, I need to argue why and how, and more important, I need to show those generalisations can be transferred to other cases and are not only applicable for the problem of wolves in France. Which leads me to quote Lincoln and Guba, in Gomm et al. (2000):
"Case studies are working hypotheses whose appropriatness from understanding other cases can only be assessed by comparing the fit - the similarities - between source and target cases.'
I can't recall the last time I was all alone, in my own place just for me, without anyone. Just me, my laptop, my bottle of Coke, the music and some pictures on the wall. Studying, checking stupid things on YouTube, reading a book, resting my soul or wonder. Noone will come, and I won't go anywhere. Me, myself and me. Well, it feels good. It reminds me of Hawaii, 5 month on my own! I couldn't remember how it feels to be 'home' and alone. But it feels good, it feels free, this freedom I used to love so much. I'm tasting it again. I can feel the sweet and the bitter of my loneliness again. I am on my own, for a little while I hope, and I kinda like it. Yeah, tonite, I remember who I am and what I stand for. I am proud of my freedom again, I am proud to be able to say that I don't expect things from people, and even if I do, it doesn't matter. I'm on my way again, I had lost track of my 'personal legend', but sometimes, shortcuts are inevitable. But here I am again. I see clear. I am serene. And I will write a song tonite. Oh yes, I will.
I finally moved in my new place. It's a quite small room (10m²), I share a kitchen and a bathroom with three other students (one swedish and two chinese, and btw, chinese food smells a lot), but one in another, it's cheap and that will do. It's maybe a little oldish and dirty, but I don't really mind, after all, I've lived in a CROUS room for over a year back in France, I can survive any type of situations now.
About #4, I don't really know how to put it. It feels good... Maybe that's all I have to say. But it could end sooner than I expect it, so I don't expect this time, nothing at all, I just live it and enjoy it. Because although it's a new start, it's also a new end, or at least it could be.
Listening this week end: Shout out loud (I got drunk of them) Camera Obscura (again and again) Serge Gainsbourg The Kooks
Two weeks ago, there was not a signle green leaf in town. And today, everything looks so colorful and alive... Spring comes so quickly in Sweden, it's amazing.
But spring steals everything... ID, driver licence, credit cards, few pictures and some useless library cards... it's all gone.
And spring is messing up with everything and everyone. The birds are hysterical, the animals are flirting all around, the skirts are coming back, and sunglasses too, it is time for ice cream and barbecues, everything is just getting crazy, altogether, singing life. And me too.
Listening now: Velvet teen - A captive Audience The Radio Dept. (yeah, they're coming soon at Blekingska Nationen) Dahlia
I'm 24. I live in Sweden (though I'm french). I like to drink Coke, smoke a cigarette, indie pop-rock, spring, play bass guitar, my Converses...
But mainly, I'm a sugar kid.
The Kiss, by Klimt