"You are the bluest light..." yes I am
Life...
Life...
Life...
Yesterday night, I went out to a nation party, got very wild, I really needed to get drunk. Too many things on my mind, again. Each time I feel better, new problems are coming, everytime others are getting better, I'm always the one who is down. Whatever, I should not complain, I'm not depressed (???), I'm healthy, my studies are interesting, I am a "not-so-bad-looking" guy, 22, I just quited smoking, I try to be a good friend, I have the best friends ever (???), my family give me all the support I need, anytime. But still, I miss something, again. Is it my fault??? Maybe a little bit. I should maybe repeat myself the first of all rules. "First rule: respect the rules." Order is necessary in life, and even I made very good progress in that topic, it always ends up in a huge mess. Well, I got really drunk (and I smoked one, only one).
Life...
Life...
Life...
I guess I am ready to move on... I don't know what will be the (emotional) price of such a decision, but I am ready. Fred, I wish you were here.
Sorry, I feel very blue today, that happens sometimes. Ben is coming back tonite, I'm glad, maybe I'm gonna share some of my thoughts with him...
By the way, I am quiting smoking
Yesterday nite, between the raindrops, I met a small and sweet
velvetsquirrel. That was nice meeting her.
Around a pizza in a nice italian restaurant, I shared some times with Camilla so, it's her real name, and Jo, that I hadn't seen in a while. It's been nice and interesting, even if it is hard to find things to say after such a long time. It will come back I hope...
After the dinner, I just stop in a café, ordered a tea and wrote few words on my notebook. I just sat down in front of the window. The rain was enchanting me, the lights from the street were brighting much stronger than ordinary due to the reflexion in the water. I came back home around 22. I waited for Silvia, we chated a little bit.
Today was the library tour. I'm gonna spend a lot of time there, i am already in love with it.
PS: Milla, I don't forget about the receipe for kannelbulle... héhéhé
It s a beautiful day
I've just finished cooking a delicious gratin.
This morning, the sun was shining, I was happy, feeling this little sensation that says "what a fantstic start for this new week", til I took my bike and realized my front wheel was flat. Grushticutalacartacatgeu !!!!!!!
I don't know anymore, I am not sure at all, but I let it go, I feel alright.
The guy who pee every ten minutes
What's going on!? I go to the bathroom all the time, no more retention of anything in my body, I have to pee all the time.. help me!!!
After this discusting topic, let's talk about yesterday nite. Philipe and Frederico came over the house. We had dinner. Spaghettis with a sauce: mushrooms and crème fraîche. Delicious. After this, we play at this game called "Risk". I had the red army - yeah, I was the bloody communist, hahahaha - and my objectives were to conquest Europe and Asia, which are the most difficult continens to occupied. In addition, I had to put an army on each continent... Well, if I wanted to win, I guess we should have played til 5 this morning. Because I was tired, I decided, as a good communist, to conquest Asia, leaving the others fighting for other places. I was very close, with only three countries to gain, and a reinforcement of 13 armies... Yeah, but they all decided to give 5 and 6 in defense... I lost everything in one round, I was out, even Silvia conquested my HQ in Oural. She just kicked my ass so bad. So then, because there was no other way for me, I decided to give up and suicide myself. Two rounds later I was out of the gam. After two hours, they decided that they were too tired, so they made a peace declaration, and everybody won, even me!
Ich liebe dich
Saturday afternoon between rain and sun. Yuri, our owner came to talk about the plans for the house and the floor downstairs. Everything is gonna work fine I think.
Yesterday, we've been to Malmöfestivalen, it was the last day. There were so many people, walking, dancing, drinking beers, sharing hapiness for a moment. We were in a quite large group, which created problems of decisions and actions. We've been walking a lot to finally not be able to see so many things. Whatever. I was so relax and so peaceful, don't know why. The worse part has been in the train to get back to Lund. If Silvia would have had a little bit more energy, I guess she would have killed every guys in the train: they were all punk swedish jerks, in the age of about 16, thinking they are gods, with a unfashionable way to dress. They really sucked.
This morning, buying some dishes for the kitchen, I met Yo, a japanee girl from my class, very sweet and nice. We had a very nice course about multicultural work this week, it was so interesting.
Tonite, dinner at home with Philippe, an austrian friend of Silvia, guitarist by the way. Guess we gonna jam soon. I didn't know that much austrians before. They're not as stupid as they look (this is dedicated to a person who will recognize itself).
Don't panic
When everything gets quite strange and shitty around, instead of getting panic, I have another solution. Fred. Because "Fred, c'est bien" (hum, mistake somewhere), or "Fred, because you worth it". Thank you.
Week-end is coming up, we have to meet our owner tomorrow, finish my presentation. Nice weather is expected, so why not hanging around somewhere in Sweden ??? We'll see.
I love eating apples...
I couldn't think of anything to do
Yeah Yeah Yeahs... they were just amazing. The singer really rocks on stage, she keeps the attention alone for hours, screaming, jumping. That was great.
The studies are going good. We just start easy, working on basic things as how to make a good presentation, or today we've been threw intercultural exchange, how to work in a multicultural group. Yep, we are 40 students from everywhere around the world, I guess a good understanding of other's cultures is necessary. By the way, the teacher was really nice.
At home, Ben left for 10 days, back to Germany. Anneli should probably leave soon too which means that we're going to be on our own with Silvia. We're having a lot of fun together, we laught a lot. Yesterday we cooked together (that was a folk session, definitly) spaghettis with bolognaise maison. We are getting close I think, we're talking a lot about our life and our feelings, about our experiences. We're just in the same boat, far away from the known, in a big need to share what is on our mind. She's very diferent from what I though, and I'm glad. Silvia, you're cool !!!
We are waiting for Carol to get in and then, we plan to create a small blog, with pics online, just to tell what's going on in this new adventure.
I am tired.
Straight to Lund...
Usch...
I haven't any connexion yet, neither one at the university, that sucks. I'm just at the 7 eleven right now, waiting for my train. I am going to Malmö tonite, Yeah Yeah Yeahs are playing.
I don't know what to say guys, too many things going on, so few time to tell you, sorry. I just have so great times, my formation sounds more than great, my flatmate are lovely and my house is so nice !!!!
Should go to Ikea soon.
Could you turn on your phone or just answer my email please...
Jag bor i Lund
Sweden is rainy. It feels good. I hang around in my new city, trying to figure out what's going on in my life again. Not easy, but very exciting. I guess I am very stressed, and I hate that. I should relax.
I met Silvia and Ben yesterday night, and Anneli too, even if she's not gonna stay with us. They are all so nice, we are already a small family, shopping together, having dinner together, breakfast too. They helped me with everything. I felt guilty coz I left them to go to sleep: still this fucking time change, and also the 1814,5 km in 2 days.
Woke up at 5.30 again this morning...
When I woke up in a car
Last hours in France. It's been too short.
This morning, I got up around 3.30 again. I can't sleep longer for now. When I opened my blind, my neighboor had her lights on, still awake. She is insomniac. I checked emails on internet, took my bass for a while. I can't do what I want, everybody is still sleeping. I haven't seen the game but France won last night, not Sweden... usch.
I guess we gonna keep the house, Silvia and Ben like it a lot. We'll see if it can be fixed quickly. On Sunday, we'll go for a bus tour in the south of Sweden, all around Skåne. Good opportunity to discover the place around and the new people that are going to be my life for at least one semester. I'm very excited, even if sometimes I feel tired to meet new people again and again, to say goodbye few month later anyway. Very enriching, culturally I mean. Talk with someone from Bangladesh, or US, or Nepal, or Zambia, or whatever... Hope noone is sick on bus !!!
På Söndag ska jag åka bussen.
I want to speak swedish fluently, it's an order. I will.
My computer is still out, I can't access my iTunes player, I can't listen my favourite radio IndiePopRock on SomaFM, I can't listen my rock playlist. I need music people. Help me !!!!
Don't look back into the sun
I miss it, a lot. But I knew that. I was prepared. "There's no goodbye" ??? False. There are. And it's hard to accept. I miss it. Just one more sunset please.
After 5pm, I have a bad time, want to sleep so bad. I try to force myself and stay awake. When is it going to stop???
I had lunch with two friends in Vichy. I ate a "salade périgourdine"... Fantastic! Then, I went to the hairdresser, I needed a small haircut, but don't worry, I still have my long curly hair. I met my mum after this, we went down town to see for any warm clothes for Sweden, but nothing at all, this is France baby. So, I bought sunglasses. Rayban. Tonite, they want to go to the restaurant. I am too tired for this but well, I have to go, it is at least what I can do. I guess I am going to sleep well tonite.
Heart attract
What rules the world?
Interesting question... Destiny, love, physics, nothing...
Maybe a mix of everything: attraction.
Life is impossible without attraction, love is impossible without attraction.
Rain just killed my (our) plans. No more house.
Maybe found something new, a bit out, but with beachfront. Hmmmmm.
Back in town
Woke up at 5.30 this morning. Can't sleep. I should not have travelled 30 hours, then gone out til 6. I am tired.
"Stövlett" means "small boot". So, I am your small boot "Friend of mine"... I hope I fit you well.
My essay is finished. Well almost, my laptop batteries have given up, I can't access my links for the resources I used. I'm in the merde.
This fucking headache is killing me
Eating my brain and my mind
It won't get out of my dreams
Hope you're not stuck in my head
Voilà, c'est fini...
A tear in my eye
But I don't look back
I'm flying high
I say goodbye
Shivering and wondering
Was that a dream?
Goodbye Hawaii... in my heart for eternity...
HonoluLund
This is it. This is the end baby. This is the beginning. My mind is upside down and I feel melo tonite. My glass is empty, I feel thirsty. Will my skin keep this salty taste? A woman in a shop told me this morning I was unlucky. She never saw snow before she admited. But wahoo, This is it, I have no choice now, I can't turn back, I don't want to turn back. I feel happy. Tomorrow is a new step, a new beginning. I don't know if what I get inside now makes me down or high. Travels are emotions, only...
Ginguiling...
Packing...
Stressing...
Smiling...
Planing...
Exhausting...
Don't know if I'm gonna make it that time !
I am a "stövlett"
The other day, a friend of mine (a girl actually) told me I was her "stövlett" on MSN but I was away.
This is a swedish word. My swedish is not very good yet. So, I didn't know what was the meaning of that word. I started to look in my dictionnary, but infortunately, it was not there. Even on the net I couldn't find anything. The closest translation I have is "boot". I hope i'm not her boots... ? I wrote her an email and ask her, and another one. She didn't answered. I still do not know if it's good or no for me to be her "stövlett". So, I leave this message on that space, maybe someone will help me. And "friend of mine", if accidently you were reading those lines, leave a comment yourself... it really starts to make me wondering... And you know I don't like wondering. Hopefully, it won't be so bad to be your "stövlett"...
Stickin' to the floor
Lost my sunglasses in the middle of the Pacific while waverunning on JetSkis...
Fred - Sorry, but you know, talking with you and talking with you(s) is a bit different, hope you understand. Let's chat this week, and let's get wild next saturday.
Yesterday nite, I went to Waikiki with my german new buddy. He's only 20. What the hell !!!!
When it's windy
Dead leaves fly away
And as butterfly
You run away
Need to let it get out of my mind...
You're stuck here and you're complaining
Wondering why everything gets wrong around
But honey could you open your eyes
It's all your fault, it's all your fault
You don't even remember the taste of apples
And you smoke, you smoke another cigarette
Outside it's noisy, I know it
But you still don't want, do you?
I got a number last nite
10 days: this is the time that I have to write a 4-5 pages essay about the environmental and social situation in France. The trick is that I'm stuck in the most isolated archipelago in the world, and honestly, I'm not quite sure if they'll have some books about it at the public library... One more time, I prove that I'm internet-deep-addicted, as it's gonna save my life.
7 days: this is the time before to leave paradise.
5 days: this is the time I am going to spend at home after six months away. I am supposed to:
- meet all my family (both father and mother sides, and keep in mind that my father's parents are divorced)
- meet all my friends and party a lot (every night if possible)
- go to the hairdresser
- buy a radio for my car
- have an intense appointment with my bank
- deal with social security papers, financial support papers, residence permit papers... well all the french administration (guess i should employ a secretary during five days)
- have dinners in a chinese restaurant with Delf
- and a lot other things that I won't have time to do
27 hours: this is the time I am going to spend in airports and planes. Then, I'll get in Paris around 8am on saturday, drive to Vichy, have lunch with my parents, hang around in the afternoon and make my craziest party ever with my buddies
2 years: this is the time I am going to spend in Sweden
3min 52s: this is the time of "So here we are" song, from Bloc Party... I figured it out...
The fourth dimension: time...moments...
I picked Stefan, the german guy yesterday night at the airport. Of course, his flight was late and I've wasted something like an hour. Never mind. I smoked a cigarette, looked around me, trying to catch people felings when they met their family, friends or whatever. Then I though about "Love actually" (a very good movie) and the beginning scene. Airports (or trainstations, that works too) are very emotional places obviously. Hugging relatives that you haven't seen in a while is just one of those moments of hapiness. It's not the fact that you are with that person, it is more the exchange of feelings and emotions that occurs at that exact moment (it is only few seconds, even less sometimes). Everything that happens is just natural, human, filled with happiness. As departures is the most cruel place in the whole world. But what is interesting is that the teardrops you see here are as intense than the smiles from the arrivals.
Well, for me, it was quite strange, no feelings really. I was waiting with my sign and his name on it, a Lei-Lei as a Aloha present. It was cool I guess.
Then he came, we talked a lot, it's gonna be fun.
When you look for a place to move in because you are a student who is moving abroad, and that you can't find anything, you are just stressed up, it seems like everything is messed up around, and you are in a bad mood. And one day, you find a house with five bedrooms. You are just four for now, and you have to pick up someone. So you leave an announcement on internet, and in two days you receive something like 20 emails. The funniest part is the decision of who is going to be your roommate for one year. Sincerly, it feels pretty better to be on the decison part than the waiting part. It is actully very very funny. Who is going to win....??? Answer soon...
I love to eat cookies.
Little thoughs
Am I a nice person? I mean, do I act right with other people, or am I just a jerk?
That's a hard question. But if you hurt someone, taking an important decision, which is good for you, does that make you a bad guy???
I read an article from another blog yesterday night. It was talking about the trust that girls could have or not in boys. The author was asking that question: "Can I trust a man who says he loves me?"
Then, I though about it.
I had a girlfriend, one of my first "serious relationship". Everything was quite allright, she was older than me actually. In the beginning, it was just cool for me, I had a lot of fun with her. One day, she told me she loved me. I had also feelings for her, strong ones, but strong enough to be love??? I'm not quite sure. Anyway, I answer back that me too.
After few months, I just realized that we didn't have the same expectations, for our lifes, and also for our relationship. She was seriously engaged. I was not. I knew that one day or another, it would end up. The day I figured it out, I decided to break up with the girl. The way I did it was pathetic, I just told her like this "I'm sorry, but I leave you". And that's it!
So what ! Am I a bad person because I told her I was in love with her, realising after a while I was not, and then broke up. She certainly trusted me.
So what ! Am I a bad person not being really sure of my feelings sometimes. But once I figure it out, be honest..???
Today was a great day, I met two sand sharks one mile away from Waikiki, diving.
The new Bloc Party is coming soon. My iPod is gonna like it so much.
